*Happy April Fools Day! This blog is entirely fake. You can invest in AllSides today on Wefunder to help prevent hostile takeovers by partisan billionaires. 

At AllSides, we’re dedicated to balance, transparency, and independence. And sometimes, that means making major changes to meet a historical moment, an inflection point — a vibe shift. Today, we enter a new era of funding by a politically balanced group of major donors. 

We’re excited to announce the beginning of the Rupert Murdoch-George Soros ownership era at AllSides.*

The Terms

Under the agreement:

• Murdoch and Soros have each taken a 50% stake in AllSides at a valuation of $178 million. AllSides will use this much-needed cash infusion to purchase every data center in Southeast Nebraska and move one step closer to replacing our writing team with AI, and toward a more unified and less ideologically diverse team.
• News Corp and Open Society Foundations will each dispatch a Truth and Accountability Liaison to work in-house with the AllSides editorial team, providing content suggestions to ensure our offerings are in line with stakeholders' political interests.
• AllSides will reimagine our cumbersome, old-fashioned, multipartisan methodology for a simpler, modern, binary approach. 
  • From this point on, the AllSides content team will be made up entirely of either staunch MAGA conservatives or unapologetic progressives. New hires will be required to spend a minimum of 6 hours per day on either Truth Social or Bluesky, whatever they prefer. They will only be allowed to post on X if they be-little, misrepresent and attack the other side, whichever side that might be for the particular post, in recognition of current most popular practices. 
• If someone on the editorial team disagrees with our righteous program of streamlining the news into a unified viewpoint, they will be fired immediately.

AllSides is also adopting new criteria for our news coverage and how we decide what to cover:

• If a certain point of view makes us uncomfortable, we won’t cover it.
• If a certain point of view exists for the sole purpose of dividing people, we will cover it.
• If a certain point of view is too fair to the ‘other’ side, we won’t cover it.
• If a certain point of view seems more based on emotion than fact, we will cover it.
• If a statistic is presented (e.g. “Violent crime decreased 29% between 2021 and 2024”), the opposite of that statistic will also be presented (e.g. “No it didn’t.”).

What the New Owners Said

“I stumbled upon AllSides while Googling my own name the other day and was instantly hooked,” Soros said. “It’ll be a perfect vehicle for convincing the masses to open up their societies and liberate themselves from their menial factory jobs, byzantine religions, and quotidian family lives.” 

“Who better to rate the media than its insiders? As long as we maintain a facade of the AllSides ethos while carefully controlling the results, we can’t lose,” said Murdoch. “Now I just need to make sure Lachlan inherits it…”

The owner of a massive social media platform, electric car company, and space exploration firm – who wished to remain anonymous – was also in on the deal at one time, but ultimately opted out.

“I don’t see the vision,” the anonymous tycoon told us. “They work remotely, they respect each other’s time and personal lives, they debate each other respectfully without degrading one another… I just don’t see how that works long-term.”

What’s Next At AllSides

As the company settles into its new leadership, we’re also excited to announce an upcoming, and highly requested feature — credibility ratings. At the top of our credibility list are The New York Post and the Huffington Post. Stay tuned for criteria on how we determine credibility.