I have spent the past few days sequestered with a crack team of political pros — actually, curled into a fetal ball, clutching a fading 1980 John Anderson poster — to gird myself for the vital first debate between President Obama and Mitt Romney.

So many questions lingered:

Would Romney offer to wager Obama $10,000 on who wins the race?

Would Obama tell Romney, "You're taxable enough, Mitt"?

Would the two men reveal the secret handshake taught only to graduates of both Harvard College and Harvard Law School? (Didn't remember Romney had the J.D. as well as the MBA, did you?) Would they be able to toss zingers with tight spirals in the thin air of Denver?

Would the competing journalistic fact checking units break into open warfare before the end of the actual debate?

Some surprises:

1. Obama became the first incumbent president to use the word "sweetie" in the response to the first question posed at an actual presidential debate at which the moderator was not a child of 4. (Directed at his wife of exactly 20 years, undoubtedly in part to compensate for ruining any actual anniversary date, and undoubtedly in part to pander to married women across the country, among whom he has a lead in the latest Pew poll.)

2. Romney apparently believes the word "question" is a synonym for the word "rebuttal."

PBS's Jim Lehrer: "But first, Gov. Romney, do you have a question that you'd like to ask the president directly about something he just said?"

Romney: "Well, sure. I'd like to clear up the record and go through it piece by piece. First of all, I don't have a $5 trillion tax cut."

My punctuation may fail me, but that doesn't sound like there was a question mark in there.