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https://babylonbee.com/news/italy-totally-fine-thanks-to-universal-healthcare
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A new report has found that Italy is doing completely fine with no problems whatsoever thanks to its lauded universal healthcare system.

As the coronavirus pandemic continues to sweep the world, countries are going on lockdown, but not Italy. Its universal healthcare program means that everybody is doing great, "incredible even."

"It seems that having universal healthcare stops all health problems and magically makes enough medicine and care available for all," said one analyst. "It's remarkable -- in countries where there is no universal healthcare, everybody is dying. In countries where there is universal healthcare, the virus just stops right at the border. It's not allowed in. That's just science."