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The racists of the nation announced they are repenting en masse after they read a statement on equality from Hidden Valley Ranch posted on Twitter.
White supremacists across the country said they were holding out despite hundreds of corporations declaring their support for equality on Blackout Tuesday. But finally, the scales fell from their eyes by the thousands as they saw Hidden Valley Ranch's powerful statement that they oppose inequality.
"I had been so blind before, but once I saw that Hidden Valley Ranch upholds the humanity of people of all races, I realized I needed to reexamine my biases," said Chet Bernard of Denton, Texas. "I held out through the statements of Tide Pods, Bratz, Ben & Jerry's, and GameStop. But once I saw that the minds who create the delicious ranch dressing I have every day believe in the equality of all humanity, I saw the error of my ways."